Weekend rides of August 23 and 24 2008

Saturday August 23, 2008
Nicole challenges the group to Lystra

In attendance for the Roses.

Jae Brainard – learning to Spin – The “Spinster”
Tracy Clanton
Beth Gonzaliz
Dani Devinney
Theresa Smit
Jeff Roussel – riding with the “Roses” on his mountain bike. ( new frame to arrive Tuesday) – a THORN among the “Roses”.


In attendance for the “Testosterone” riders (the Thorns).

Steve Cope – aka “Capn Carbon”, the Angry Chipmunk, the Chihuahua, the Gnat.
Ron Clanton – “Diesel”
Steve Sparano – “Sporadic Steve”
Christy Miller – the “Pink TriAssholette”
Tim Devinney – “Fast Tim”
Tim Travitz – “Slow Tim”
Nicole Lewis – “President of the TriASSholettes”
Morgan Brooks – Friend of Nicole’s – another TriAssholette.
Kevin Smit – the biking “GOG”.

After a brief visit in Carobou’s the group headed to the parking lot to prepare for the days ride. Kevin had made the decision to incorporate last Sunday’s finish route as part of the outbound route for this days ride. This would have the pack riding that leg in reverse order and direction. It would also then allow Kevin to add to or delete miles based on how everyone was doing. Kevin’s intent was to try and do close to 50 miles on the days ride.

Out onto High House and into the neighborhood of Preston Woods the pack rode with Jae leading the way. As the pack entered Preston Woods Kevin had worked his way slowly towards the front of the pack to find the new rider Morgan. “How come your parents gave you a Boy’s Name” he asked Morgan. “Awh you Jerk, why did you ask her that” was the cry from the pack. Kevin did not respond he just rode on past as if having inflicted the insult that was fitting for the abuse needed on this new rider. “She may never come back” the pack continued to chastise Kevin. No response from Kevin. If Morgan understands Rule #6 she will be back to enjoy the continued chatter and constant verbal abuse that comes from ridding with this band of miss fits.

The pack split at its usual spot on the first climb out of Preston. The “Thorns” continued to push on thru the intersection at Davis into the round about and out onto the road leading to “Ron’s Pull”.

At “Ron’s Pull” the pack abdicated the pull position to it’s rightful owner. Ron was quick to command the respect owed him as he pushed the pace ever faster to reach the maximum ”Diesel” speed of 24 mph. Ron “Diesel” sustained this pace thru 2/3rds of this stretch of road only to pass of the reins to the biking ‘GOG” who did everything in his power to match the power of the “Diesel” locomotive that had preceded him.

The pack was maintained thru that pull to the T intersection that would wined its way to Carpenter Fire Station Church road. On Carpenter Fire Station Church Road the Pack remained in tact with Slow Tim and “Sporadic” Sporano worked the Pull position as the single line slid down the road at 21 mph. The two riders drove the pace so hard it splintered the pack with Kevin again bringing up the rear.
Kevin had informed “Sporadic” Sporano of his plans to turn right at Yates Store instead of the left that would take the riders towards “UpChuck”.
Kevin found the pack patiently waiting for confirmation that the route was to turn right rather than left. “ON RIGHT” was the command as Kevin closed in on the intersection.

Onto the yet unopened section of new road the pack headed for OKelley. Another Left onto OKelley and the pack formed a solid pace line with “Sporatic” Sporano in the lead along with Christy, Nicole, and Morgan who was closely followed by “Capn Carbon, Slow-Tim, and Fast-Tim. Those last three riders were each working to ace the other rider out of position in an effort to ride close to Morgan. Ron and Kevin only watched the pathetic display of Testosterone from the two Tim’s and Cope.

As the pack was preparing to make one of the many climbs on OKelley “Capn Carbon” miss shifted his new bike causing him to quickly loose momentum. Ron “Diesel” just about slammed into the “Gnat “ but for great bike handling was able to slide past the stalled rider resulting in the lose of his momentum.

Picture a “Diesel” Locomotive delicately dodging a small VW and then coasting to a near stop on a hill. Now imagine that VW unaware of the near fatal situation grinding into gear and spurting on up the road. Now picture the “Diesel” Locomotive recovering from the lose of momentum that took 12 miles to build along with the emotional realization that one’s life just passed before their eyes in the last 3 seconds.

Kevin was thrown into the mix as he was also following “Capn Carbon” and his miss shift.

In less than 30 seconds Kevin and the “Diesel” were left in the middle of the climb all alone. None of those ahead had an idea of the disaster that was narrowly avoided. The Testosterone was still pungent in the air as Tim, Tim, and Capn Carbon continued to push for position closest to Morgan as the pack charged up the hill and into the distance.

Ron “Diesel” Clanton and Kevin did not gain position back into the pack until the scheduled rest stop at the gas station on Farrington and Lystra some 12 miles later.

The stop at Lystra allowed for topping off of water bottles, wiping of brow, and an asinine suggestion from Nicole. “Lets do Lystra” Nicole said with glee, and high energy.
She learned this trick from “Coach the Asshole” who also suggests the group climb Lystra every time he rides with the group. So Nicole was anointed the new “Asshole” for suggesting the climb.

Kevin was planning on taking the pack to the run down Big Woods, and calculated the extra distance that Lystra would provide. “If we do Lystra that would add an extra 10 miles and one nasty Climb” he announced to the group. Fast Tim said “Yea but the ride down Lystra is worth it, last time I hit 47 mph and I want to beat that”. “We need to take Morgan there” another cried. There were no other replies from the group. The group continued to rest and hydrate as Kevin mounted his bike and prodded the pack to follow suite.
Out of the gas station and onto Lystra road the pack began to assemble. The Y intersection lay ahead. The left fork towards Big Woods the Right Fork towards the climb on Lystra. The group rode orderly but very slow looking for Kevin to lead the way.

Into the Y intersection and no words were exchanged as the pack continued to ride conservatively as their fate was now understood. Kevin in the lead swung onto the right fork followed by Ron, Slow Tim, Christy, Sporatic Sporano, Nicole, Morgan, Fast Tim, and bringing up the rear behind Morgan was Capn Carbon. With in a half mile the base of the hill presented itself to the pack as if to dare them to proceed. Just at that moment “Capn Carbon” bolted past the pack to attack the hill, and did so in an effort again to display the Testosterone of the moment, as if to suggest “Morgan Look at ME”. Slow Tim responded to the attack and also charge ahead as a warrior headed blindly into the horde that awaited them. These two warriors were the best the pack could throwh at the foe. All other riders fell of the pace as if in full retreat.

The riders all worked individually as they responded to the challenge presented by Nicole the “Asshole” and Lystra. Kevin and Slow Tim made it to the end of Lystra at 15/501 only to realize that “Capn Carbon” was not there. He had ridden back down part of Lystra to check on Morgan. Eventually the pack regrouped as Kevin launched them NOT back down Lystra but onto 15/501. Fast Tim was visibly disappointed with the realization that his land speed record down Lystra would have to wait for another day.

The pack rode the shoulder on 15/501 to the left turn onto Jack Bennet where they began the long descent towards Big Woods. “Near the bottom of the hill make the right turn onto BIG WOODS” Kevin shouted as the riders began their attack down hill. First to go was Sporadic Sporano. He was followed by Fast Tim who LOVES TO GO DOWN hills FAST.
“We can’t let them get away” Christy screamed as she rocked past the pack in pursuit. Slow Tim and Capn Carbon jumped just before Nicole and Morgan gathered for the attack. The two more mature riders (Ron and Kevin) elected to watch the scramble unfold in front. As the hill began to flatten Big Woods popped up on the right. Kevin saw that all riders in front had blown past the turn as he swung thru the right turn and charged onto Big Woods with the “Diesel” in tow. Kevin held the lead position through most of the first climb on Big Woods. He was first past by “Capn Carbon” who only smiled as he gracefully glided past. Next was Slow Tim, followed closely by Sporadic Sproano who was pushing the pace in another of his many attacks for the day. Kevin crested the Hill now in 4th place and unable to latch onto any of the rear wheels of those who had since left him in their dust.
The three riders ahead were already becoming miniature figures as Fast Tim rushed by Kevin spraying him with sweet much like the spray from the bow of a boat.

Just then Christy was next to Kevin and working to egg him into taking pursuit, but to no avail. Realizing she was all alone Christy dug deep and powered on ahead to chase down those in the distance. Next was Nicole and Morgan who did not pause to prompt, they just flew past focusing all energy on the attack that had been mounted. Kevin and Ron were once again riding solo each as if in the pull position for some invisible pace line and with no one from that pace line to spell them in their effort against the head winds.

Ron “Diesel” and Kevin coasted down the last hill of Big Woods to find the pack waiting in the shade for the splintered riders.
After a short pause the group worked its way onto Highway 64 headed towards Farrington. The “Diesel” took the pull position with Fast Tim, Slow Tim, Capn Carbon, Sporadic Sparano and Kevin followed by Christy, Nicole, and Morgan. The pace established early by Ron the “Diesel” ratcheted past 24 miles an hour in short order with Kevin and those trapped behind him unable to hold on. Those able to respond were found waiting at the gas station at the top of the hill on Farrington and Highway 64. Another opportunity to top off water bottles, deal with sweat management, and to wait for heart rates to return to the safe zone.

Back on the bikes Kevin led the charge down Farrington to the right turn onto Holland Chapel and the roads headed towards the start/end. Once onto Holland Chapel the pace picked up as Kevin abdicated the lead position to “Sporadic Steve” who continued to push and attack at several locations. As the pack settled into the fast pace the riders splintered with Kevin again leading from the rear. The lead group was discovered headed back towards the trailing groups as they made the turn onto Luter Shop Road.
The group of riders attempted to once again form an organized draft line, however those in the rear were unable to maintain much more than 14 mph. Fast Tim, Slow Tim, Christy, and “Capn Carbon” all pushed closer to 19 to 20 mph pace, with Nicole and Morgan working to pull Kevin, Ron, and Sproadic Steve in an effort to close the gap. “Lets do Cary Glenn” Kevin bellowed to the leading group of riders. “The roller coasters?” asked Nicole. “Yes, Nicole’s Roller Coaster” Kevin replied. Nicole’s excitement could not be contained as she pushed on to join the lead group and in doing so dragged Morgan along.

The leading group was no longer insight by the time Ron, Kevin, and Sporadic Steve were at the intersection of White Oak Church road. This was the half way point on Luter Shop. This band of splintered cyclists continued to crawl towards the next left turn onto Yates Store. Once at the intersection none of the lead group was in sight. “Left Turn” Kevin squeaked. “Is this shorter” asked Ron. “No” was Kevin’s response. “Is it Flatter” Ron inquired. “Definitely Not” answered Kevin. “And we are going this way BECAUSE” Ron asked. “we are already suffering so it wont make it any worse” was Kevin’s confident reply. With that the group swung into Cary Glenn to find the rest of the pack waiting prior to the run at the hills.

The three hills proved to excite all those on bikes as they rushed down hill only to roll well into the climb on the next. Once “Nicole’s Roller Coaster” was completed the pack headed onto Carpenter Fire Station headed towards the long red light at Highway 55. Again the pack split with those in the rear group consisting of Ron “Diesel”, “Sporadic Steve”, Kevin the biking “GOG”, Nicole the “Asshole” (for suggesting the climb on Lystra) and Morgan.

This remained the organization as the two groups worked the last several miles.
The lead group Splintered yet again as the pace was ratcheted up on the road known as “Ron’s Pull” as the group pushed towards the end. Headed in the direction towards the finish this road would best be named as “Ron’s Pull” in reverse, or “llup s’noR”.
On “llup s’noR” Slow Tim looked over at “Capn Carbon” with the realization he had nothing left for the attack and said “I am Spent, Its all yours”. “Capn Carbon” needed no additional prodding as he was already coiled and ready for the attack. Fast Tim, and “Capn Carbon” were left to attack each other as Slow Tim pulled up to finish solo.

The Testosterone (Thorns) covered 58.5 miles at an average pace of 17 mph. Slightly longer and faster than originally planed “Thanks Nicole”.


Sunday August 24th, 2008.
The “GOG” Bonks hard.

Those in attendance for the Roses:

Jae Brainard
Theresa Smit

Those in attendance for the Testosterone Riders:
Steve Cope aka all his nicknames
Brian Farkas
Tom Plant – knows to Capn Carbon as “Robert Plant” from Led Zeplin.
Tim Travitz – Slow Tim
Kevin Smit – “GOG”.

The group was willing to again let Kevin provide the route with limited information being provided as the riders slid out of the parking lot.
Thru the Preston Woods neighborhood the riders eased their way towards the turn onto “Ron’s Pull”. Kevin directed the pack to turn away from “Ron’s Pull” and push towards the neighborhood climb towards Holt. Tom was riding strong at the front of the pack as the group turned left onto Holt headed towards Apex. Remaining together the riders encountered little traffic as they swept past the boutiques that make up main streets shops in Apex . On past the closed shops towards the left turn on Tingen the rag tag band of cyclists continued past the water tower and rail road tracks that mark the perimeter of Apex and the start of the country roads that laid ahead.

Slow Tim took the reins as the group rolled onto the gradual negative slop of Tingen. He pulled the pack along for several miles at 24 mph. Kevin was next in line and took the reins from Slow Tim only to lose speed reducing the pace to 21 mph. Kevin held onto the lead position long enough to pass the reigns to Tom as the hills began to raise the elevation on the group. Tom pulled thru the rolling hills and onto the fast flats leading to the final climbs prior to the left turn onto Friendship road.
A short pause at the intersection had the group ready to travel the flat area of Friendship to the left turn onto New Hill Holland Road and the short run to the right turn onto Shearon Harris. The group stayed together through these sections of roads with the pace increasing on Shearon Harris. Kevin and Tom were found drifting off the back of the pack as the group readied for the left turn onto Old Highway 1.
The left turn onto Old Highway 1 found the pace increasing with all riders doing their best to maintain a solid pace line. At the first rise in the road Kevin took a brief pause from applying power to the peddles to hydrate and in doing so fell out of the draft’s sweet spot. This occurred as those in the front of the group added pressure to increase the speed. Unable to catch the group Kevin rode most of Old Highway 1 Solo.

The group reassembled again in Bonsal as they slowly traversed the rail road tracks and positioned themselves onto Beaver Creek Road. This section of road is another excellent place for a well organized draft line to push the pace. The draft line formed with Kevin working to stay in the middle of the pack. He focused full time on the rear wheel of Brain Farkas as first Slow Tim worked the pull position then “Capn Carbon, then Brian Farkas, and lastly Kevin took the turn at the pull position brining the pack on into the stop at the gas station of Beaver Creek/Farrington rd and Highway 64. Tom had fallen off the pace line and was working his way solo to join the group at the rest stop. Water was purchased, water bottles topped off before the group lead by Kevin headed towards Holland Chapel. This was a repeat of Saturdays ride at this point in the ride.

Kevin pulling all the way to Holland Chapel where he would begin to officially BONK. Kevin did well on Holland Chapel along with Tom who until today had not been on his bike for about 4 weeks. Tom road very well for someone getting back after that long away from the peddles. Kevin has no excuses for his lack of endurance or in ability to respond to attacks on the road. Kevin is a “Comfort Zone” rider. He did try to explain away his early Bonk by blaming the Hot Dogs and Beer he consumed at the previous evening’s Durham Bulls game. This however does not explain the issues he encounters on virtually every ride.

As the group closed in on the roads of Luter Shop, Green Level, Green Hope High School Kevin’s ability to maintain speed dropped to a level where he was fighting to hold onto 13 mph. Once in a BONK there is little to do other than finish without passing out. Tom held back with Kevin to ensure he would survive to the end. Slow Tim, Brian, and “Capn Carbon” had long dropped the other two once on familiar roads.

Tom continued to monitor Kevin and provided stimulating conversation during those last few miles just to keep Kevin from drifting off into unconsciousness. Kevin was unable to respond other than to inform Tom that he apologized for being such lousy company since he did not have the energy to engage in the conversations provided by Tom.

At High House Tom said his goodbyes as he headed on his bike towards his home, and Kevin headed down the hill towards the finish. Tom was confident that the momentum of the down hill would provide the speed needed for the wheels to act as gyroscopes keeping Kevin’s bike in an up right position even when the rider is in a semi conscious state.

Back at the finish Kevin worked very slowly and deliberately to dismount his bike, remove the water bottles from their cages, remove the bike computer, change shoes, poor water from his water bottle onto his head – invoking a brief snap back to consciousness, removal of the front tire, and then hoisting the bike into the bike rake on top of the van.

Once accomplished Kevin joined the others who were in full high energy conversation. Kevin slumped into the picnic bench and continued his stupor as those around him droned on and on about something.

The days ride covered 45 miles at 16.8 average pace.
Later after the ride “Capn Carbon” called the biking “GOG” to ensure he was OK.
All is good and he will live to BONK another day.