Rides Without Kevin – A Dream Come True - July 19 and 20

Based on feedback on how long and drawn out Kevin’s write-up have been, below is a condensed, straight to the point, and extremely accurate perspective of how the weekend’s rides went……

Saturday July 19th - Which Way to Turn and What to do on Ron’s Pull?
In attendance riding with the Roses:
· Jae (Please provide the details for your ride which I heard was long and fast)
· Fast Tim’s Wife (Sorry, I missed your name as my recall for names is far worse than Kevin’s)
Riding with the “Testosterone” riders:
· Slow Todd (Actually wore some sort of a bike jersey instead of a T-shirt although some speculated that it was his wife’s)
· Brian Farkas (Notice that his name is spelled correctly for the 1st time ever)
· Nicole (Did you know she is the VP for the NC State Triathlon club?)
· Coach (Only showed-up because he heard Cope was not going to make it)
· Fast Tim (New rider with the group and quickly earned the name as “Slow Tim” was in China and could not defend his name)
· Steve Cope (Only came because Kevin was not going to be there and his golf tee time was cancelled and it was too hot to fish)

Brian and Steve were in the Brugger’s lot at around 7:10 and thought they would be the only riders as nobody was there by 7:25. Then Coach showed up and suggested joining the Green Hope ride which was just up the street. Brian and Steve reluctantly agreed. Suddenly Coach threw a banana at Steve and said it was payback for him throwing one at him during the recent McGregor group ride last Wednesday evening. Coach hangs around kids all day and sometimes gets a little childish himself – I suppose that is normal for most teachers. Then out of nowhere, riders began showing up (we suspect because they knew Kevin would not be there). Nicole, then Jae, then Slow Todd, then Fast Tim (see how he earned this name below) and his wife. The biggest question was where would we ride and who would know where to turn? Obviously Coach and Steve have demonstrated over years that they are clueless on direction. Suddenly, Slow Todd agreed to step-up and take this responsibility. Some questioned his judgment but figured they could do no better.

Immediately and before leaving the parking lot, Nicole was making excuses and suggested not too fast of a pace. Nicole was planning to ride on Sunday with the NCBC 100k ride and said she would be pulling a friend around all day. The group dismissed her excuses and said to ride hard today, don’t worry about tomorrow, and stop complaining. That set the tone for the entire ride and no more complaints were heard.

Slow Todd was eager to demonstrate his total lack of respect for his fellow riders and made numerous charges from the beginning. When the group hit Ron’s Pull, they had no clue how to handle it. Who will pull, what pace should be taken, when will the attack begin? As you might guess, Slow Todd attacked with a massive acceleration not far into Ron’s Pull which was easily matched by Steve and the rest of the group. Steve then asked Slow Todd if he was out all night drinking due to his lack of depth and inability to hold off the pack. The group trash talked about Kevin for the next few miles and then it got serious as they neared Up-Chuck hill. Fast Tim (man is he fast on the descents) provided a massive lead-out for Steve going down the hill who jumped off of his wheel as the hill got steep and heart rates began skyrocketing. Right behind Steve’s wheel was Brian, Nicole, Coach, and Slow Todd.
To Steve’s surprise (but not the group), Brian came flying off Steve’s wheel in a big gear and put the hammer down as only he can do. To Brian’s surprise, Steve matched his massive acceleration, pulled up next to him, looked him in the eyes and yelled “take your fancy new pedals and shoes and show me what you got” as he pulled away to take the hill and the $100 preme (which Kevin WILL pay).

Nicole, Coach, Slow Todd, and Fast Tim where not far behind as the group seemed to handle this big hill much better without Kevin bogging down the peloton. To everyone’s surprise, Slow Todd was huffing and puffing more than usual at the top of the hill. Nicole (remember, she is the VP of State’s Tri club) asked Steve and Brian how could someone who claims to be a triathlete and obviously attacks well on the flats, be so slow on the up-hills?
Steve quickly responded that slow Todd has a known gene defect that prohibits him from performing on any hill gradient larger than 1 percent. Nicole has never heard of such an abnormality and quickly said Slow Todd will not be invited to any of her future club’s training rides, especially if hills are involved.
From this point, Coach dominated the flats and rolling hills down toward the lake. Then, as usual, a very fast pace line formed that drove speeds approaching 30 MPH as the lake came into sight. From nowhere, Brian blasted (almost out of his new pedals and shoes) from somewhere in the pace line and rolled to an easy victory at the bottom of the hill which he celebrated with both arms raised over his head. Later in the ride, he will regret this aggressive behavior as his body is not in condition to match his mind.

A quick right and up the hill to gas station for a much needed rest. No doubt, Slow Todd was doing an excellent job of leading the ride today in terms of setting directions. While filling up our gas tanks at the station, Coach blurted out “hey, let’s do Lystra”.

We all know Coach is nuts and has earned some nasty nicknames from suggesting stupid things like this on prior rides. Well, Slow Todd is not much smarter than Coach and quickly said “let’s do it” and since he was the leader, the group had to follow. Nicole and Fast Tim asked “what is Lystra?”. This brought a big smile to Coach.

The group rolled out of the gas station and charged forward toward the hill with Nicole and Fast Tim doing most of the pulling. Coach, Brian, Steve, and Slow Todd all drafted to conserve energy and prepare for the assault. The group launched an attack on the hill with Steve leading the charge followed closely by Coach, Brian, and the rest of the Peloton. At the top, Slow Todd quickly asked if anyone had any oxygen available while Nicole requested to do it again with a half-smile on her face.
The group then reversed directions and charged down the hill. This is where Fast Todd really earned his new name. Nobody could hang on this cat’s wheels.

It was here that Dr. Farkas explained that the study of the causes of motion is called “dynamics”. He went into gory details that

there are five “dynamical” variables which must be considered for a rider’s speed going down a hill:
momentum, force, potential energy, pressure and power.

Brian went on to explain how each of these quantities will directly or indirectly involve the mass of the object. He said there is a physical "constant of proportionality" relating force and acceleration.
That is, to accelerate an object, it is necessary to apply a force, and that force is proportional to both the required acceleration and the mass of the object. This definition of mass is called "inertial" mass, since inertia is the resistance to changes in velocity.
The other definition of mass is “gravitational” mass. While mass is certainly an independent quantity, it can only be measured in conjunction with force and acceleration. For instance, the weight of an object is not equal to its mass, but rather to the product of its mass and the acceleration it feels due to the gravitational attraction of the Earth (or whatever planet or satellite you happen to be on!).

To this long and drawn out explanation, Steve pondered and then asked Brian… “so are you saying that Fast Todd is really fast because he weighs more than us?”. To that, Brian simply said yes. By this point, the group had ridden all the way back to the gas station and Steve’s brain was useless from all of the deep thoughts which may have been a deliberate tactic by Brian to gain an advantage on the ride back home.

The group yawned as they blasted up “Kevin’s Crawl” which seemed much easier than normal without all of the show boating antics that Kevin typically injects. Plus, the group did not have to wait at the top of the hill for Kevin to recover from cramps, racing heart rate, dehydration, lack of wind, back ache, neck ache, stomach ache, burning eyes, and profuse sweating.

From there, a combination of lefts and rights brought the group back to the Brugger’s parking lot with only the typical Slow Todd attacks on every hill and straight away. How can a guy attach so much and recover so fast and yet cannot climb up a small flight of steps without gasping for air and energy – the group wondered.

In summary, the group rode for a total of 45 miles at a pace of over 18.5 MPH. We wondered why a lack of Kevin increased our average MPH so significantly… Nicole proudly announced that this was a personal best pace for her and was now concerned about being too depleted for her planned Sunday ride. Brian rode exceptionally strong despite battling cramps over the last quarter of the ride. Fast Tim said he really wants to meet Slow Tim and rode very well himself. Coach simply smiled as he knew that his crazy Lystra suggestion has irritated several new riders. Slow Todd was an excellent ride leader and even went back to sweep a few slow riders when the peloton got fragmented. Steve was tired and had major sweat management issues during the ride.


Sunday July 20th – Steve Leads the Ride – What…..
Plus 3 New Riders Join the Group.
In attendance riding with the Roses:
· Jae (Please provide the details for your ride which I heard was short and sweat)
· Hmmm….uhhhhh… (Sorry, I forgot your name which is pitiful since you have ridden with us many times)

Riding with the “Testosterone” riders:
· Bryan Farkus (Representing the “Steel is Real” club. Notice that his name is spelled incorrectly as Kevin typically does)
· Chris Klein (New rider who rides a Klein bike and heard about our ride though a web search – sorry I did not catch your last name)
· Pat and Rich Hunt (New riders from the Cycles Broken Here Sunday ride group and proof that a couple that attacks each other on the road stays together)
· Steve Cope (Only came because Kevin was not going to be there and his golf tee time was cancelled and it was too hot to fish)

After quick introductions and serious gawking over each other’s hardware, the group prepared for blast-off. Chris was sporting a beautiful Klein in candy-apple orange with gold metal flakes. Steve commented that the gold should be real based on how expensive those bad boys will hit your wallet. Rich was sporting a new custom-built titanium (with carbon fork and seat stays) Serotta which looked fast just standing there in the parking lot. This bike made Brian nervous. Rich’s wife Pat, proudly showed-off her early 90s full titanium Litespeed classic which was best-of-breed in it’s day. Steve elected to ride the space-age technology Vitus (made famous by Sean Kelly) which the group all recalled it’s renowned spaghetti stiffness reputation which eventually doomed this ultra-light classic. Rich mentioned that Sean Kelly reportedly inserted a broom stick into the seat tube to increase frame stiffness. Steve dismissed this as a hoax. Brian rode his early 80s team Gitane factory issued race classic. Brian has been quoted several times that he will buy a carbon bike when anyone on a carbon bike can beat him to the top of Up-Chuck hill. Based on history, I believe Brian will never be buying a carbon bike as nobody has even challenged Brian except Steve who does not even know how to spell carbone fibre.

Steve agreed (what was he thinking) to lead the ride and hoped that his bike would recall the turns from memory over the last 3 years of riding the same route. Steve and Brian complained about a tough ride on Saturday and said they were looking for an easy ride. Based on the expressions on Pat and Rich’s faces, Steve and Brian knew it was going to be a long and tough day.

Without the presence of Slow Todd, the group slowly warmed-up all the way out to Ron’s Pull. Just prior to Ron’s Pull, the group finally caught-up with the Roses group who waved us goodbye and smiled knowing they were only planning a short ride on this hot day. As with Saturday, the peloton was disorganized and confused without the presence of Ron to establish the pace and initiate the usual attacks.

As the group approached the end of Ron’s Pull, Steve mentioned to Rich that the group typically kills each other with a sprint to just prior to the corner store where the road changes color. Shortly after that discussion and out of nowhere, Rich jumped out of his seat and blasted past the peloton with a massive acceleration. Steve was caught off-guard as the typical provokers (Slow Todd, Slow Tim, Ernie, and Ron himself) were not there. Steve shifted to the big ring in the front and was about mid-way down the cogs in the back. He quickly caught Rich but then to his amazement was completely spun out with his gear ratio. Rich proudly announced that he won the sprint on his small ring up front and with a 13 on the rear. Pat immediately said his bike has a funky gear ratio trying to dismiss her husband’s big accomplishment but Steve was too stunned to pay attention. WOW can Rich spin that Serotta!

As the group crossed the corner store and subsequent tracks, 2 riders caught the back of the peloton and decided to ride with the group out toward Up-Chuck. Steve asked Brian if he had collected the required $10 draft fee from the new riders and he said no. Immediately, Steve dropped back and explained the situation to the strangers. Steve said it would cost them $10 each to suck our wheels but that there would be a $100 preme for the first one to crest Up-Chuck which was just around the corner. The 2 new riders got very nervous and immediately turned and left the group – go figure.

The peloton raced toward Up-Chuck and formed a excellent draft line as they started the approach. Chris Klein was hammering and was just the perfect lead-out rider that Steve was looking for. As the group got out of their saddles and began applying maximum pressure on the cranks, Chris Klein yielded the lead which Steve gladly accepted. Right behind Steve was Brian, Pat, and Rich. Steve hammered up the climb in a pretty big gear and clearly felt he had the $100 preme in hand when all of a sudden out coming out of “stealth” mode was Brian who accelerated past Steve for the win. Typically, Steve can hear Brian’s Cinelli stem creaking “called Cinelli speak” which is an instant give-away of his whereabouts. Somehow, Brian was able to keep his bike quiet long enough to avenge his loss from the prior day. Kevin now owes Steve $100 for Saturday and Brian $100 for Sunday’s premes.

The peloton reformed and easily rolled through the hills down past the strawberry patch. At the church, Steve informed the group that he expects a very fast pace line to form which will suck everyone down to the lake at break-neck speeds. Due to the lack of Slow Todd and the other overly aggressive riders that typically ride with the group, the pace was fast but under control with no field sprints at the end. At the lake, Steve announced that his bike was recommending a right turn which would head the group toward the gas station and a well deserved break.
At that moment, Rich yelled out that we are about to get swamped by a very large group of riders approaching from our left. Brian was quoted as saying “holy cow” or something like that as the mass of riders appeared to be approaching very fast. Steve who does not like to be passed by anybody, jumped to the front of the peloton and put the hammer down with a goal of not getting caught prior to the gas station. The pace was fast and furious and the massive group finally caught Steve and our peloton near the top of the hill with the gas station in sight.

To Steve’s surprise, this was the big NCBC club ride which is more of a race and there were many of the Wednesday night McGregor (Melo Velo) riders in the front who were eager to devour our group. They immediately recognized Steve and began trash talking with him which clearly frustrated Steve. Steve’s response was to jump out of the saddle one more time (with Brian on his wheel) which enabled him to reach the gas station ahead of the NCBC group – yee haa. A few final shouts at the NCBC group by Steve and then they turned left and headed straight for Lystra – good luck.

After a quick break at the gas station, Steve announced that our pace was outstanding and well over 19 MPH. Brian said that was great and never recalled such a pace when Kevin led our group rides. By this point, Chris Klein admitted that the pace was pushing his limits but was willing to press on.

As the group began warming back up and gained speed, they pass the NCBC rest stop and saw a lot of riders. To our group’s surprise, Brian spotted Nicole (who rode hard with us yesterday) and we shouted hi to each other. On we went and speed past the lake and up Kevin’s Crawl with an organized (unlike prior weeks) and fast pace. It was at this time that Rich moved to the front and established his outstanding time trialing skills as he pulled the group most of the way back to Cary.
Brian commented that we have now found a new Mr. Bridenbaugh and no longer need David’s train locomotive pulling skills. Pat and Chris Klein motored well and hung with Rich’s blistering pace. The group attacked the last several hills and began setting up for one final attack down High House. Pat and Rich typically ride with the Cycles Broken Here ride which ends with the massive climb up High House and they were clearly licking their chops at a downhill finish.

Once the Davis Drive light went green, so did Pat’s adrenaline as she launched a serious attack from the back of the group. Steve and Brian were behind Chris Klein hoping to get a big lead out like they received on Up-Chuck. Rich knows his wife is strong and did not want to lose to her once again and hear it for the rest of the week. Rich dumped his gears on the Serotta and hit the after-burners with his titanium chariot screaming for mercy. Steve and Brian gladly accepted the lead-out by Chris Klein and then focused on Rich’s frantic pace to catch his wife. As the riders hit the light half-way down, they finally caught and passed Pat who looked spent. As the group continued pounding past the light, Pat dug deep and launched one final surprise attack. Brian and Steve were stunned but figured it must have been some sort of husband and wife competitive thing. Eventually, Brian and Steve settled down and reeled in Pat and Rich and claimed a side-by-side shared victory at the bottom.

In summary, the group rode for a total of 39 miles at a pace of over 18.2 MPH. Just prior to the Cary city limits the pace was well over 19 MPH but the group slowed to catch their breath prior to the final shoot-out. Chris Klein proudly announced that this was a personal best pace for him and looked forward to joining our rides in the future. Brian announced that he had ridden more miles in the last 2 days than he had all year. He rode great with no cramps – watch out as he is getting in shape! Pat and Rich hardly broke a sweat with our pace and were more concerned over grabbing a quick bagel and racing home to catch the end of the Tour de France race. Brian and Steve were very impressed with this family duo but mostly over their all out fight down High House. Steve was tired, as usual, but had a better sweat management day than yesterday.

Based on how Pat and Rich performed on their titanium bikes, Steve is considering this technology as his next move rather than carbon which he is not a fan of (see prior soap box emails).

Speaking on behalf of the group, we no longer feel we need Kevin in order to have successful rides. In fact, we believe he hampers our abilities and ultimately has a degrading effect on our conditioning and mental attitudes.