Capn Carbon does another great ride and ride Write-up

Below are the write-ups for both Saturday and Sunday… I had a special request from Carolyn to provide a Reader’s Digest version of the blog write-up because “she does not have the time” to read the traditional lengthy blog write-ups.

Saturday the 12th: Capn arrived at Caribou to find Atomic Clock Ron and Tracie already in there pounding some dark roast brew. Carolyn brought her own coffee but quickly realized that she needed a second round to prepare for the day’s ride. She was all jacked up on caffeine but made no mention of missing her husband Sporatic who was riding with the Smits in the MS 150. Then Capn got a cell phone call from Frank who indicated that he and Mary (The Rack) were out way too late the night before and decided to bail on the ride. It was their loss but Capn did appreciate Frank and Mary checking in! The parking lot slowly began filling up with a good size group but definitely much smaller than the record breaking ride the week before. In attendance were: Jeff (not number 6, not with the broken collar bone, not downhill racer, aka Claim Jumper), Shawn (Green Flash), Slow Todd, David Cole (Mr. OMV and the guy with legendary calves – have you seen those things?), Carolyn, Doug, Sheila, Patty (Patty Melt), Ron & Tracie on the tandem, Jae, Christie the Pink Triassholete, Suzie Q, THE Love Train, and Steve (Capn Carbon).

Reader’s Digest version of the write-up: Ron & Tracy joined Jae and Carolyn for the Roses ride and nobody else cared how far or fast they rode – just kidding – sort of. The huge news is that Sheila and Patty Melt stepped up to join the Thorns to Doug’s amazement. The Thorns totally disrespected Ron by NOT doing Ron’s Pull and jacking a left on the road known as Ron’s Pull and heading out to Apex. Ron was stunned but got over it. The Thorns were going to take Tingen but then David Cole suggested a new route on unmarked roads to get us over to Harris. Shortly after passing the Progress Energy lineman climbing poles, Sheila, Doug, and Patty Melt formed their own Stems group. Both groups agreed to meet at the Wilsonville gas station for a check point. The Thorns crossed the lake, did Big Woods, some rode an optional sprint up Cul-de-Lystra, and then back up some lady’s church road and home for a total of 63 miles at 19.2 mph. The Stems skipped Big Woods and headed straight for a coffee refill and finished with just over 50 miles. A beautiful day for riding and a fun group. Sheila and Patty Melt really stepped up to the plate and gave it their all – great job! Everyone agreed that the riding was much better not having the GOG around to slow them down.

Full version of the write-up: While everyone was saddling up for an expected long ride, The Pink Triassholete (Kristi) approached the Green Flash and TOLD him he needs to back it down a little today and not ride like he did last week. Capn was not sure if she was grouchy or being serious. The Green Flash brushed it off then got defensive that he was not the gang leader of the angry mob the prior week. Either way, the two were separated and order was restored. Then Capn asked Atomic Ron for the official time. Whoops, we were 3 minutes late but definitely much more prompt than the GOG in prior weeks. While heading out of the parking lot, Capn disclosed that he was not going to lead the group through Ron’s Pull. This very much frustrated Ron who lives and rides to own and demonstrate his strength on the stretch of the road called “Ron’s Pull”. Capn dumped the Roses and the Thorns never looked back – not even Sheila and Patty who previously rode with the Roses. Across High House, then over to that very long and steep hill which always stirs up a fight from the stronger riders. After the group restored their breathing, they turned left and headed for downtown Apex. It was there that the Love Train started getting excited about the prospect of flying down Tingen. Others were getting nervous of the huge hill that followed the long downhill. Then, David Cole (Mr. Mapquest) suggested an alternate route that went out past some Bar-B-Q street, went right, through some unmarked roads (the group was totally lost and Slow Todd said if felt like we were riding through the Bermuda Triangle) and then eventually dumped us on the road toward the Harris power plant. The group rejoiced as they did not have to ride up Tingen! After turning right on the road toward the cooling towers, a lone triassholete rider went blowing past the Thorns and did not even say hi or recognize our presence. This got the Love Train very upset and he sat up with one of those “GOG Like” gestures with the arms spread out – like you are kidding me or give me a break. The Love Train could not take it and jumped on the dude’s wheel. This then got the Green Flash agitated which in turn got the attention of Claim Jumper, David, Slow Todd, and finally Capn. Suzy Q and Christi even got their dander up and flexed their muscles! The entire Thorns group jumped the poor triassholete who must have felt like he stirred up a huge nest of hornets. The Green Flash and Capn ended up battling it out to a bloody death at the top of the hill closely followed by everyone else. Then the group rode past the Progress Energy lineman climbing poles to the end of the road. It was there that Sheila decided that she MIGHT not be ready for the Thorns for such a long ride. Patty Melt offered to form a Stems group and finally Doug agreed to join them even though he felt strong and could hang with the Thorns. What a nice guy! Both groups agreed to meet at Wilsonville for the next checkpoint. The now smaller group of Thorns rolled on and began slowly picking up the pace. Suzy Q was riding exceptionally strong and looking forward to the next weekend when she will compete in the Wilmington triathlon along with Karen who rode the week before. Christi was also rolling well today kept the trash talk going the entire time. The ladies seem to be getting stronger and stronger and the guys continue to enjoy the perfume draft. Believe it or not, the Love Train finally broke out of his funk and began singing and acting stupid like he used to do. Nobody knows what actually pulled him out of his trance but we were all glad. Slow Todd continued to be somewhat reserved but Capn feels that the Green Flash might be stifling his ride creativity. The Green Flash, like Capn, cannot stand to have anyone else’s wheel ahead of his and will not let Slow Todd get ahead of him. Capn is loving it and was glad to see someone else abuse Slow Todd and it allowed him to save his strength for the profitable county line. Either way, the goal is to beat Slow Todd into submission all day long and it is fun. David Cole sat in the pack and continues to push the pace while slowly beginning to piece together all of the various personalities of this dysfunctional ride group which is so much different than OMV and all of the other ride groups he belongs to. It is obvious that David could apply those huge calves of his at any time and drop the entire group. The Green Flash was extremely well behaved up to this point which was probably due to the tongue lashing he received from Christi in the parking lot prior to the ride. Jeff (aka Claim Jumper) was in SBD (Silent But Deadly) mode and waiting for his chance to attack as he is well capable of doing. Anyway, back to the ride. After a quick sprint past the old trains (what is that place called – Topsoil, Bonsoil, Bon??), the peloton jacked a right onto something Ridge road which heads down and over Lake Jordan. As the Thorns were motoring along, they ran across 2 unsuspecting riders and slowly passed them. Then it happened. One of the riders went crazy and sprinted past the Thorns at a rapid pace. Well, as you might suspect, the Green Flash looked at Capn, Claim Jumper, and others as if to say “you gotta be kidding me” and took off. Capn quickly pushed his carbon wheels hard and blew past the Green Flash as they rapidly chased down this unknown rabbit. As Capn sat on the guys wheel, he noticed the rabbit began breathing hard and his pace was slowing. Capn swung around to his left and moved in for the final kill with the Green Flash in tow. Then the rabbit pulled over to the left and slowed down which caused Capn to get ALL OVER his breaks to narrowly escape a big pileup. Wheeoooowwww. The Green Flash only smiled and was glad it was not him almost getting taken out. This IS RACING and it is dangerous OR is this just a peaceful Saturday morning ride??? Capn and the Green Flash are surely confused. The whole group swallowed up the rabbit and spit him out the back like a tractor trailer dropping off the fragments of re-tread tire that has expired. The group then stopped at Wilsonville for refreshments and to wait on the Stems. It was there that the “rabbit dude” came over to the Green Flash and told him that he could have ridden harder but he did not want to drop his friend who was riding with him – WHATEVER! The Green Flash just looked at Capn and chuckled. After discussing discuss options. Suzie Q and Christi both insisted that the group cross the lake and take on Big Woods as they wanted more miles. These girls are definitely animals. Then the Green Flash suggested an optional points sprint to the top of Cul-de-Lystra for anyone willing to challenge him. Prior to blasting off, the Stems arrived and looked as if they were hardly getting a workout. The Stems agreed to take the shortest route back as they wanted a refill of their coffee cups. Sheila, Patty Melt, and Doug all rode very well and should be proud of the distance and pace they did for the day. Then the Thorns pushed off and headed across the lake. First led by the Green Flash and then Capn, the pace was held at a steady 22.5 mph the entire way across the lake. A quick right onto Big Woods and the time trial was on. As discussed at the gas station, on this stretch, it is “traditional” to have an all out time trial and it does not matter which direction you are going. Today was no different as David Cole ratcheted up the pace which was carried forward by Claim Jumper, Slow Todd, and the Love Train. At the final big hill, Capn tightened up his shoes and jumped on his pedals in an attempt to “break” the Green Flash’s spirit. Either the Green Flash was having a bad day or Capn was having a good day as Capn was able to reach the top first. At the end of Big Woods, Capn and the Green Flash agreed to a “Man Challenge” up Lystra. Claim Jumper agreed to only ride up to the “false flat” and then bail. David Cole only wanted to ride to the base and then “soft pedal” back to the gas station. Off the group went and the battle ensued. As mention earlier, the Green Flash did not have his A game for the day and yielded the prize to Capn (GOG owes Capn $100). After seeing a dead Copper Head on the very top (very appropriate), Capn and the Green Flash raced back down the hill. The Green Flash quickly got back at Capn as he easily dropped him on the descent. While flying down, Slow Todd was spotted SLOWLY riding up Lystra which was unexpected. Everyone regrouped at Lystra gas station and waited and waited and waited and waited for Slow Todd. Suzie Q decided that she did not want to wait for Slow Todd or anyone else for that matter and blasted on down the road on her own. She is DEFINITELY ready for the Wilmington triathlon next weekend. Then the most amazing conversation occurred between Christi, the Green Flash, and Capn. Christi said that Slow Todd must have changed his mind 3 or 4 times about whether he would ride Lystra or just go home. She went on to say it was just like a woman. Capn and the Green Flash did not argue with the generalization. Then Capn went on to mention the African runner who was recently tested to have no “female parts” and very high levels of testosterone as he was thinking about Slow Todd. Then Christi said the girl is most likely a hermaphrodite. Capn said he was not up to speed on medical terms and asked Christi what EXACTLY a hermaphrodite was. Christi thought about it for a second and then said “ a person with both a Va#$%a and a Pen$s. The Green Flashed cracked up and proclaimed “That would be awesome, you would never have to go out on weekends and could save a lot of money”. Capn and Christi busted out laughing and could not believe what they had just heard. Then Slow Todd finally arrived. Everyone got in a good pace line and rolled down the hill, over the lake, and then took a left onto some woman’s chapel road. To everyone’s amazement, Christi suddenly cranked up the pace as she spotted a few breakaway riders just up ahead on the road – WOW. She nearly fractured the Thorns group with the amazing pace. Eventually everyone caught her and the Thorns blasted up the hill and over to the strawberry patch. The “Traditional” sprint to the county line was the next target and the group slowly began picking up the pace in anticipation. Claim Jumper, the Green Flash, and Capn all went for the line and once again the Flash was flat with his speed. GOG owes Capn another $100. Through the 3 ugly sisters (Nicole’s roller coasters) and then on to Capn’s Graveyard for the final stretch. The Love Train took off toward the Graveyard which was not very respectful to Capn who was a bit “taken aback” but then quickly passed him with a look of disappointment on his face. Off they went…. 20, 21,22,23,24,25,26+ mph and the group was still tight. Then the Green Flash attacked on the final hill just past the High School. This totally destroyed the peloton and really angered Capn who responded with an attack of his own and was able to get a gap on the group of chasers. Capn then looked over his shoulder and to his surprise, saw a lone rider coming at him at a very high rate of speed – it was CLAIM JUMPER. Capn quickly got back on the throttle but it was too late as Claim Jumper beat him to the “Traditional” street sign finish for the win. GOG owes Claim Jumper $100. That pretty much completed the ride which ended up being a full metric century at 19.2 mph average. It was a tough ride that included a lot of miles, Big Woods, and Lystra. Very Very good ride Thorns.



Sunday the 13th: Capn arrived at the Caribou parking lot at 7:30 to find Brian Farkas at his car drinking a cup of coffee and looking somewhat perplexed. Apparently, Brian had not read the GOG’s prior week announcement that the ride was pushed back a half hour. Brian was thinking that nobody was going to show up and was about to ride on his own. Then Sarah (you know, the fruit lady who works for Sunkist and strong triassholete) showed up and proclaimed that her As$ hurts due to some nerve damage on her lower spine. She has been off the bike for 8 weeks recovering from a painful injury – OUCH. Sarah was getting nervous about keeping up with Capn and Brian and was considering bailing until The Love Train showed up. She knew he could not drop her and agreed to ride with the group. And finally, Steve (one of Nicole’s NC State Boys and the guy who was on the Rowing team) arrived late and joined the group. He was spotted on the road the prior day and Capn demanded that he ride with the Thorns on Sunday. Steve had no choice but agree to Capn’s demands and changed his schedule to ride with the group. Also of note, Capn was out very late the night before and was NOT feeling well at all and actually considered not riding at all when he woke up. Brian loved hearing this information and already began planning his attacks for the ride. NO ROSES showed up. JAE – WHERE WERE YOU?????

Reader’s Digest version of the write-up: The small group of 5 riders rolled out of the parking lot shortly after 8 on a beautiful morning. No attacks on Ron’s Pull, a race to the top of Up Chuck and then 751 up to some woman’s chapel road to the lake. Another attack to the stop sign at the lake . An easy pull up Kevin’s Crawl and then a steady pace to the Strawberry Patch and the County Line. NO SPRINT to the County line. Then the 3 ugly sisters (Nicole’s roller coasters) and the group eased back home for a 33 mile ride. Capn, ejected on the 3 ugly sisters and joined the CSH ride for more punishment. Great ride for Sarah and the Love Train was well behaved. WARNING to the entire ride community::::: Brian is getting stronger and stronger.

Full version of the write-up: Capn was really hurting from lack of sleep and for too much partying the night before. Brian sensed an easy kill and was anticipating a fun ride. Sarah was nervous as her as# and lower body was still recovering from nerve damage and this was her first ride in 8 weeks. The Love Train was just happy to have someone listen to his antics and poor humor. Steve used to ride with the group last year and was excited to test his strength against the group. Steve was very proud of recently riding in a 200 mile bike event in Charlotte which he completed in 12 hours. This dude is an animal! So the group of 5 rolled out in anticipation of a fun ride. Ron’s Pull produced NO attacks as Capn was clearly hurting and struggling to push his pedals. Sarah was happy as she just wanted some good miles but was not ready for a fast pace. Brian was confused but went along with the easy pace. The group crossed 55 and then took a left onto some Firestation or Carpenter road which led you to Up Chuck hill. Capn was hoping for another “non event” but NO said Brian as he ATTACKED the hill wide open. Capn dug deep and was only able to pull up beside of Brian and give him a dirty look for pressing the pace. Brian then said “Man, are you breathing hard and I suspect you are putting out 50% carbon dioxide and 50% ethanol”. Remember that Capn was out very late the night before and clearly hurting. The group collected and formed a strong pace line led by Steve (the rower) who pushed the pace down to 751, up a couple of big hills and finally a right onto some woman’s chapel road. The pace continued to be controlled with no break-aways UNTIL the lake came into sight. One again, Brian attempted to take advantage of Capn’s condition and took off like a rocket. Capn used every last ounce of energy in his body to hold his wheel and the two finished in a dead heat once again. GOG owes Brian and CAPN $50 each. The Love Train was content to YAP with Sarah the entire ride and was not a factor at all. He is a smart man. Up Kevin’s Crawl and back toward the Strawberry Patch. Then Sarah asked everyone to stop as she claimed to be having wheel problems with something dragging. Man is Sarah a “high maintenance” chick. Apparently, her rear break caliper was loose and was rubbing on her rim which slowed Sarah down. At least this was her excuse for slowing down from time to time. As the group approached the County Line sprint, Brian looked back and noticed that Sarah had hit the wall and was bonking in a way that looked familiar to anyone who has ridden with the GOG. Eight weeks off of the bike and recovering from a serious injury had finally taken its toll. Capn also dropped back and the three backed it down a little to help keep Sarah with the group. To everyone’s amazement, Capn and Brian AGREED to a truce and to not fight it out to the County Line. AMAZING. Capn knew he could not take Brian on this day and was very happy. A quick left and then right put the group on the 3 ugly sisters (Nicole’s roller coasters). It was there that the CSH group came rushing by in the opposite direction. Capn excused himself from the group and ejected to join the CSH folks for more punishment. The 4 remaining riders continued home to complete a 33 mile ride. Outstanding effort by Sarah and Brian continues to get stronger and stronger so everyone must watch out on future rides. Steve (the rower) rode very strong and did a lot of the pulling for the ride. The Love Train was his typical self and provided the entertainment for the group and did some pulling himself, especially on the down hills. Capn was only planning to ride with the CSH “B” group due to his condition but was shamed into riding with the “A” group in part due to harassment from Jeff (not #6, not with the broken collar bone, not downhill racer, aka Claim Jumper). Jeff skipped the Thorns ride and started with the CSH group for some reason. Capn and Jeff had their hands full with the CSH group but were somehow able to keep up and in fact did very well. Capn was totally spent at the end of the day